MAD AS A MARCH HARE

DUN DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN

It has been an interesting month, to say the least. I landed a genuine bona fide real world illustration job that took every extra moment of my life for the past 4 weeks. I am happy with the product – which will NOT be revealed until published at the end of the month. I also totally flaked on a job. This, I shall not discuss. Alas, the balance of life.

"BONA FIDE"

Why did this come up when I Googled "bona fide"? Your guess is as good as mine.

I must catch you up with all you have missed. I have visual aids. I mean, things to show you, not an optical acquired immune deficiency syndrome. And I know you missed it, didn’t you? Yes, I know... 

DAMN IT BEAVIS STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT, YOU WERE CRYING...
IT'S OK TO CRY, IT TAKES THE SAD OUT OF YOU.

THESE HERE TOLEDO, OHIO NEWS…



http://www.13abc.com/story/16996250/2012/02/22/police-toledo-man-exposed-himself-at-elementary

BOB
"According to police report, Bobby Rivers interrupted classes at Glenwood Elementary by tapping on the windows, licking the glass, exposing himself and urinating outside the classroom."

BOB IS THE RESULT OF 4 BILLION YEARS OF
EVOLUTIONARY SUCCESS

WHOSE HOME?

HOME

Toledo cares deeply about its squirrels…

GEORGE DROWNS HIS SORROWS
AS A RESULT OF THIS TRAGIC EVENT

THE CITY BEGINS CRACKING DOWN ON TRAFFIC VIOLATIONS

Outside of the studio, we see a Toledo City Vehicle:

NO PARKING ANY TIME
(IS READING NOT A REQUIREMENT FOR CITY WORKERS?)

STUDIO 566
Two publications that include my work have hit the cyber viewing shelves! And I am NOT naked in either! Both pieces are for The Bunny Stop. Which leads me to say that I won a certain gold statuette for The Bunny Stop work:

I DID NOT WIN ONE OF THESE

I would like to thank all of the little people, my God, Jesus, my twisted family because without them I never would have pursued art as therapy… and finally, thank-you to the makers of Zoloft.

THE DOCTOR UPPED MY DOSE

365 PROJECT
I have committed myself to an artistic endeavor of producing an illustration a day for a year. As you may recall – or you may not recall – it matters not what is or is not recalled—but I digress… The 365 Raging Bunnehs started like this. So now, I am killing a few birds with one pencil. The first three illustrations are a bit complicated: computer illustrations. Complicated only in that they were a little time consuming. These weren’t quick sketches. They are of each of my rabbits (see what I am doing there?).  The other participants in the 365 Project are all photographers. (365 Day Project as long as December 31, 2012 doesn't make it the 355 Day Project). It is interesting, to say the least, to be the 5^th wheel. Or 3^rd wheel. Hell, I feel like a unicycle.

EKAHAU WANTS YOU TO DRAW HIM
LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS

Find the 365 Day Project here:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/58764020@N03/

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PROOF THAT ONE CAN FIND ANYTHING ON THE INTERNETS
Found at: http://www.quickmemes.com

FACEBOOK FRIENDS WHO ARE FAMILY
The next piece was inspired by a familial public fight witnessed on Facebook. There are no words in the English language to describe the barrage of insults and aired dirty laundry from the relations. I don’t think there are even any words in the French language to describe it. It was a virtual obligatory Thanksgiving Dinner at Mom's. The main event was a "You-Are-Trampier-Than-Me-Because-____Fill in the Blank___" Pageant. The swimsuit competition saw many impressive tattoos and piercings. The talent contest consisted of not only entire monologues of swearing in iambic pentameter, but also a dazzling tap dance of ignorance that would make Sammy Davis Junior cry out of his one good eye provided he were still alive. The Grand Prize, apparently, was an eternity of being Facebook blocked from someone's FRIENDS list. Runners up received an assortment of unfriendings and a life time supply of Rice-A-Roni; the San Francisco treat.

But seriously, Folks - you know I kid cuz I love: No one actually received Rice-A-Roni.

Transcripts of this conversation are available for one easy payment of $10.99. Cash or Checks accepted. Make checks payable to Yours Truly, Me. OF COURSE I SAVED IT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

THE LATIN TRANSLATES INTO ENGLISH:
WHERE THE HOMES ARE MOBILE
BUT THE CARS ARE NOT

AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY I PLAY THE SIMS SOCIAL
My Sims has a Prius now. She is a bleeding heart liberal who, due to her environmental consciousness and passion for going green, is test driving a hybrid for two weeks. My Sims cannot DRIVE the Prius, mind you. The car just sits there. Looking like a Prius. My Sims will go over to it, shine it up and get one point of energy for her efforts.

I had to build an extra room because My Sims is a hoarder. I needed to make a special room for the Easter Island statue, safe, orange traffic cone and Prius that she can’t drive for two weeks. It is parked in the room in front of the black throne (toilet) surrounded by rose petals. It was the only logical thing to do.

ON THE NEXT HOARDERS...

LAZY DAZE
Many people do not understand the blessing of having a rabbit. Many people do not know, want to know or even care to know. This is why I do not have people as pets. Also, a lot of people think rabbits are boring. Sometimes, they are. But even in their boring states, they crack me up. In their not so boring states, they crack me up. Most of the pics below were taken on weekends when they and I expend maximum amounts of energy to lay around.

LOLWUT?

Russette horks "my spot." I suspect she posts joke statuses and single-handedly started that family Facebook fight.  Noticed the wire recharging my cell phone? It now lays in 6 different strategically chewed pieces. She's such a kidder.

YES, RABBITS SNORE

She is terribly exhausted after a morning of tossing a dirty sock in the air, chewing a paper plate (stolen off of the table) and chasing a roll of paper towels (also lifted from the same table).

LANCE: DO NOT DISTURB

DID I NOT JUST SAY NOT 5 MINUTES AGO,
"DO NOT DISTURB"?

Upon arriving home from my studio one afternoon, this is how I found Lance. One roll of paper towels (a different roll, mind you), a used paper plate drug out from God only knows where and a lot of attitude. His redecorating did not go over well with other members of the household.


Last Saturday I fell asleep on the couch and took a lovely nap. I woke up -- groggily turned my head and saw this:

GET OUT OF MY SPOT

FACE PLANTED RIGHT INTO THE FLOOR

I WATCH YOU WHEN YOU SLEEP

THE END

OPEN THE DOOR, GET ON THE FLOOR

WHO DO YOU ♥?

The sirens were all aflutter today for a tornado warning here in these Toledo, Ohio. I was cowering in the downstairs bathroom with 2 bunnies, 1 laptop and a box of tampons. In the time that we were waiting for the air to clear, I scrubbed the floor. This is the glamorous life of a freelance illustrator/designer. Don't be hatin'.

BARBIE ♥ SCREECH OWLS
Here is the latest project sneaking through the cracks of Studio 566. 

WHO DO YOU LOVE?

The screech owl is in its red phase. I’m not sure what “the red phase” is exactly, but if it is anything like peri menopause, I sympathize. She is probably sitting in her tree hating the rest of owldom, wondering about all the choices she made in her owl life. She wonders why the hell she stays up all night and sleeps all day. 

Did you know that in some middle and far eastern cultures, the owl is a sacred guardian of the afterlife, ruler of the night, a seer and keeper of souls transitioning from one plane of existence to another.
Want to know more? http://www.macrameowl.com/owl_symbolism.html

Having said that, allow me whore myself yet one more time.
Gifts and prints are available at: The_Bunny_Stop - WHO DO YOU LOVE?

As seen on http://escapefromillustrationisland.com

WTF???? (I CAN’T TYPE THE AMOUNT OF QUESTION MARKS THIS NEEDS)

Seriously, WTF? A word of caution: you will either need to smoke a cigarette or take a shower (or both) after viewing. I felt dirty. I had to view it several times before the feeling went away. I shudder to think about whom the demographic is...

BUNNY  ♥  KITTY
Not only are the actions of the bun pretty realistic, the kitty’s brown eye alone kept me cracking up.

Speaking of which, here is a product to cover your pet's embarassing asterix: ( * )

Gotta have the pine tree!

♥ SMALL ANIMAL SQUEE!
As if it isn’t enough I want one of those small giraffes featured in fine American television advertisement, now I could spend a good 5 solid minutes watching this. Maybe I already have. Don’t judge. This is living proof that size DOES matter...

Bahahahahahahahhahaha!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! This seriously KILLS me!

ILLUSTRATION ♥ SEGMENTATION
This tutorial really peaked my interest. I am considering taking the plunge with one of my raging bunnies utilizing this method. It is odd in that these post modern styles rarely really catch my attention. (I am trying to sound graphically educated here). Post Modern Hippies. Get a real job.If I had a nickle for everytime I heard that, I wouldn't have to work at all!

But I digress...
Here is the illustraion tutorial:

http://www.graphics.com/modules.php?name=Sections&op=viewarticle&artid=935

 

I ♥ ME

My Childhood

During the most important work of Vanity Googling, I found this signature.

This is not my signature.

This IS my signature.

I can spell

This is the signature of a serial killer.

But I digress...
I was excited to be labeled a “highly gifted seller” on Zazzle.


As it turns out, Zazzle states that about EVERYONE who has a store.  Now, I feel so cheap.

This is NOT me although it IS PENNY COLLINS:

She refers herself to PENOGRAPHY. I wish I would have thought of that.

This IS me:


I gained 40 pounds since then. I guess it is time to diet. Or take photos from the waist up only. Or take photos of me standing behind various pieces of furniture.

MY SKETCHBOOK
Including one of the more bizarre products of my sketchbook is becoming a tradition for this blog. So here is another sketch from the most dangerous place on earth: MY SKETCHBOOK. (See what I did there? Aren't I clever?)

MEDUSA

Isn't she a beaut?