IT'S FOR YOU!

THE BIG MAN DOWN

Clarence Clemons
January 11, 1942 – June 18, 2011

I have always loved good sax. Clarence Clemons was one of my favorites. Now, I have one less favorite…

OH NOES!
after 10 years of sitting outside, my two El-Cheapo lawn chairs were stolen from the front patio. I guess the spectacular product of the Walmart® (Pronounced WALMARTS in these here Toledo) lounge display was just too tempting for Toledo’s general populace. That will teach me to hose off lawn chairs. They were just too clean.

LIFE IN THESE TOLEDO, OHIO

OUR VERSION OF DISNEY

W00T! PUBLISHED!
THE BUNNY STOP POSTER

THE BUNNY STOP

The poster The Bunny Stop
was selected for Bright Ideas in Graphic Design.
http://www.brightbooks.com/BRIGHT.html

Bright books has shifted to eBooks only. I am not sure how I feel about that. Their website presents the rationale that  AMAZON, B&N and BORDERS sell more eBooks than printed books. Aside from being in the business of print, I rather enjoy being able to hold a book, doodle in the margins, dog-ear pages and fall asleep on top of said book. I am what is now considered “OLD SCHOOL” when it comes to these things. Ironically, I used to be “NEW SCHOOL.” I certainly know technology is here to stay. I certainly know technology will keep developing.  Maybe I should invent special crayons to draw on the KINDLE screen – just like WINKY DINK AND YOU!

WINKY DINK AND YOU!

My talent put to use with my magic crayon and a TV screen...

WINKY DINK AND ME!

TA-DA! SOLD!
To think, I haven’t even officially opened the store and am still moving products. Yet, someone found this special heart-warming masterpiece: http://rlv.zcache.com/ta_da_tie-p1512496418095783028gnz_325.jpg

 

PORTFOLIO
It is official. I have begun the daunting task of putting together a hard-copy portfolio. I have been pouring through old jobs and projects. Did I mention it is daunting? It is daunting. And this is the Daunting Defender:

DAUNTING

STUDIO 566 PROLIFERATES

The Riverfront:

THE COAST GUARD GUARDS THE... UH... COAST

I open my window on very hot days downtown. After all of my books, supplies, coffee and everything not nailed down flies around from the wind tunnel, I close it. As you can see in this photo, I managed an image transfer onto glass - I used a laser copy and a regular iron. I burnt at least one fingerprint into being unrecognizable. It hurt. A lot. In fact, this photo brings it all painfully back.

THAT IMAGE STOLE MY FINGERPRINT

MY LOVE NEEDS YOUR FAITH is the title of the piece below. These are lyrics from BORN THIS WAY/LADY GAGA. Yes, I like Lady Gaga... SO WHAT? Don't judge.

IT'S EITHER HONORABLE DAUGHTER #2 OR JUSTIN BEIBER

I drew some studies of two of the buns. The first one is a daily ritual with Russel and his BABY BUNNY DEATH GLARE that seems to put him to sleep. The second is Lance doing his 5:00 am calisthenics.

 

 

 

Close Up: Baby Bunny Death Glare

 

LANCE - 5:00 am

 The final piece for this particular blog post is a bunny celebration of the Solsticeseseses...

I’M SPACED, YOU’RE SPACED, WE’RE ALL SPACED ON MYSPACE
I found this Amazon Princess on Myspace. Seriously. I did.

SHE EATS PEOPLE LIKE ME FOR LUNCH

SPIRITUAL HOMILIES
Imagine THIS SIGN

Outside of THIS PLACE OF WORSHIP

I’m even more confused than before. I need Jesus.

FOUND HIM

SPEC WORK / FREE WORK-- WORTHY OF ANOTHER MENTION
I asked my designer peers if they had ever been approached while in college (or otherwise) with a promise of “this is going to lead to bigger things/who knows what this will lead to,” or, “This will look good on your resume.” Actually, one does NOT have to be a student of design to hear promises. As a 15 year veteran I was approached with, “This is going to be BIG. You WILL see this in the New York Times!” I am still waiting to hear about that product for which I TURNED DOWN DOING GRAPHICS.

NUMBER 28 on the TOP 50 THINGS EVERY DESIGN STUDENT SHOULD KNOW
28. Never work for free.
Not only does this devalue the profession, but it makes you look weak. Even a ‘nice’ client will take advantage of this.

NUMBER 5 from the list of GRAPHIC DESIGNERS NEED TO KNOW
5. Students DO need “experience,” but they do NOT need to get it by giving their work away. In fact, this does not even offer them the experience they need. Anyone who will not/can not pay them is obviously the type of person or business they should be ashamed to have on their resume anyway. Do you think professional contractors list the “experience” they got while nailing down a loose step at their grandmother’s house when they were seventeen?

If you your company or gig was worth listing as desired experience, it would be able to pay for the services it received. The only experience they will get doing free work for you is a lesson learned in what kinds of scrubs they should not lower themselves to deal with.

So to artists/designers/illustrators looking for work, do everyone a favor, ESPECIALLY yourselves:  avoid people who do not intend to pay you. Whether they are “spec” gigs, or just some guy who wants a free mural on his living room walls. They need you. You do NOT need them.

And for those who are looking for someone to do work for free… please wake up and join the real world. The only thing you’re accomplishing is to insult those with the skills you need. Get a clue. <http://www.estetica-design-forum.com>.

www.someecards.com

Miss Scarlet, In The Ballroom, With The Revolver.
I was always Miss Scarlet because I dug that red playing piece. My favorite weapons were the revolver and candlestick. I never wanted the murder to take place in the kitchen. How unsanitary. And where was the bathroom?
But I digress...

Interestingly enough, one of my designer friends told me that when such opportunities arise, he simply says, “No thank you. My portfolio hes plenty of free work in it already.”

Heck - I will do your work and pay YOU and call it an INTERNSHIP!




NEW FRIENDS
Lady of the Wild Things was out and about and met a new friend. Actually, it was a battle to the near-death for a swing set. We arrived on the turf at the same time. Next thing I know, I hear a Leonard Bernstein libretto and we are juxtapositioning ourselves as if channeling Jerome Robbins. Stephen Sondheim was LIVID.

WHEN YOU'RE A SQUIRREL YOU'RE A SQUIRREL ALL THE WAY

I was no match for the wiley ways of this rodent. I was skurred of the sciuridae (a sciuridae is a squirrel). Then, the guy would NOT leave me alone. He, literally, was right up in my face... and... he mocked me.

I MOCK YOU

EXTRAORDINARY ART
WARNING: The following page has some wonderful rendering but may also cause diabetes:

http://dreamsofalostspirit.deviantart.com/gallery/1770778

WEEKLY TUTORIAL
As my minions know, I like to include either tutorials or vital information regarding the world of design and illustration. This week, I present a graphite tutorial about rendering one of the most difficult (if not THE most difficult) subject matter: THE HUMAN FORM. Specifically, the human head.

THE END

PRODUCT OF THE DAY! BUNNYFLY CANVAS BAG

BUNNYFLY CANVAS BAG from Zazzle.com

PRODUCT OF THE DAY!!

MURDER AND MAYHEM or IT’S 4 AM AND MY KITCHEN IS CLEAN – WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF THE DESIGNER ILLUSTRATOR

Therapy - I Need It

I have been hard at work on a TOP SECRET MAJOR PROJECT REQUIRING SECURITY CLEARANCE. I would tell you what it is, but then I would have to kill you. Not that I have anything against killing you, but I am extraordinarily tired.  I mean, I’d have to figure out methodology, going to the store, body disposal… and all that would require me to get off the couch and stop watching THE SQUIDBILLIES. *Of course, you could always kill yourself…

She is very popular at West Park Place Home for the Aging

So far, I have only gotten 5 emails for 5 corrections/missing files/miscalculated numbers/general malaise, etc. You know, just enough glitches to make me wonder what the hell I have been doing with my career for the last 10+ years. 

There were a few (read: a few too many) folks who had a say (read: too many says) in said illustrations/designs/copy writing/general malaise, and we all know what happens when everyone wants to be in charge.  My job description was being responsible for layout and illustration. I also ended up re-drawing a jabillion logos, designing/drawing/doing copy for almost 28 cards as well as keeping up the atmosphere of general malaise.  

IN KEEPING UP THE GENERAL MALAISE or 

A MUST-SEE FOR EVERY GRAPHIC DESIGNER:

I thank all Creative Directors who appreciate their artists. You know, the ones who put up with the F WORD used as EVERY FIGURE of speech as EVERY OTHER WORD IN A SENTENCE and still defend and pay their artists decent wages.

I have been working around the clock on this thing, which has made me *homicidal (See paragraph 1).  You have NO IDEA how many games of BEJEWELED BLITZ that have gone unplayed. You have no idea what that does to me. I gain solace only from “ESCAPE FROM ILLUSTRATOR ISLAND.”

As seen on: http://escapefromillustrationisland.com

O - How I have missed you!

NOTHING NEW
Due to the above mentioned project and school, I have created absolutely NOTHING new. That is all.

SOMETHING OLD
I present, therefore, a few old things I have created:

Graphite

This is one of my favorite pieces. I regret having let it go. I just... wasn't ready, I guess. No wonder I am poor.

Who knows what was going on when I illustrated this one. Although, you have to admit that the hat actually looks like part of the male anatomy. Freud is pleased.

I AM COMFORTABLY PLEASED

HOT PLATE + MATTRESS = MAYHEM

http://abclocal.go.com/wtvg/story?section=news/local&id=8163033

Officials say a man was cooking on a hot plate and somehow caught a mattress on fire. He and his son escaped without any injuries.

Somehow caught a mattress on fire? Really?

The word that makes me laugh is “somehow.” The only logical explanation is that he must have torn the tag off of the mattress. Let that be a hard-learned lesson to us all. 

Where's the 40?

THIS WEEK’S “I WANT THIS”

http://www.etailgifts.com/ghettopoly.htm

Enlarge and Read - DO IT - You know you want to...

GARY
An utterly fantastic artist. I had the honor of working with him in the Pit of Hell. I also have an abstract portrait he did of Yours Truly, framed and in STUDIO 566. He made me laugh… a LOT. He also greatly appreciated my rendition of RUBBER BAND MAN which played on the radio every night on Hell’s Pop Rock Station: FM 666.

Take a look at his art - it is WELL WORTH YOUR TIME:

http://www.coroflot.com/gwitten

ODD FACTS ABOUT GARY: Whenever we would talk about a well-known celebrity, they would die within 2 weeks time. It only worked with well-known celebrities as we tried this black magic with conversations about our supervisor.We considered it the "control" of an "experiment."

MINION’S QUOTES ABOUT MY BLOG
“What a great site! It was hilarious, just as good or better than working with you on Fred Xxxxx's 3rd shift in Hell.”

NOTE: Fred Xxxxx (AKA: THE CONTOL) did not die.

PORTFOLIO SITE
Not only did I get a good schmooze quote, I also have a site to look at for an online portfolio. It is FREE and uploads are UNLIMITED.

http://www.coroflot.com

THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT
I am now convinced that the neighbors are aliens:

A raccoon visits on a regular basis. I heart him.

Rocky's mask peering in at me

I told you I hearted him

There is a hornet’s nest on the light above the patio. We do not bother each other. In fact, I have grown accustomed to hearing their deafening BUZZ around the bush where the bunnies hide.

Not ONE OF THEM is green...

Chip the Monk has also returned on a daily basis. I have not been able to snap a picture of him – he is WAY too quick. So instead, I GOOGLED this image:

Vroom!

I must confess, I feed the raccoon, ducks, chipmunk, stray cat and these feral human animals that claim to be related and live in my house (would it kill you to clean up once in a while??).  I also take good care of the bunnies.  

Chillaxin' in the litter box

I AM LADY OF THE WILD THINGS!  

(image not mine - but I wish it were)

I really look like this.

 THE SWISS ARE DEMENTED

BUT NOT AS DEMENTED AS THE JAPANESE

In conclusion, I present to you the silhouetted sentinels of STUDIO 566 - The lions that protect my Creative Spirit: