THE BEAUTIFICATION OF THESE HERE TOLEDO, OHIO

In this little burgh, 1% of taxpayers’ money goes to the beautification of the city. This includes artwork and plants. I would like to invite you on a short trip around the block from Studio 566 to see what I have seen.

DANCING ON A POLE
Parking Meter cozies are, apparently, the new rage. These things are popping up all over town. I do not, for the life of me, quite understand their symbolism – but I imagine there could be a market for pole cozies in the adult entertainment industry.

Toledo... seriously, W T F?

 

Here is a light pole that is cleverly painted with a pattern of a smoking drunk kitty. 

Really, a cat with a beer and a blunt. ME-OW.

We have new plants also! This is for when out of towners come to visit. They will behold the great beauty of the Glass City and tell their friends. Consequently, those friends will come visit to behold our giant topiary phalluses.

FREUD IS LIVID!

THE SHOES

ATTENTION: THE RAPTURE OCCURRED
AND ONE HOMELESS MAN MADE IT FROM TOLEDO, OH.

They sit as a pair, in the empty parking lot as a testament of humanity's fragility. Whose shoes were these? Will the homeless man by the river take them for his journey? They sit as a pair, at the end of the line. The river rolls before them. Could it have been a suicide? No one knows. Only the river, the line, and the shoes. (It's a pair of shoes I saw in the parking lot fer cryin out loud).

In these here Toledo, Ohio we have shoes -- East of Columbus in Lancaster, Ohio, there are 3000 PANTIES HANGING FROM THE TREES!

I wonder how much Columbus pays in taxes for such beautification....

FORESTRY
To counter balance the results of our 1% funding, I jaunted out to one of my favorite places in this area: Cullen Park on the banks of Lake Erie. It is still very popular for fishing (Don’t eat the fish!!)

REALLY... DON'T.

And hanging out. There are still the firepits that I remember sitting around when I was a teenager.  There are also spiders—lots and lots of spiders: long spiders, tiny spiders, fat spiders, big ass spiders. With spiders come spider webs so skillfully woven across the walkway’s path. I didn’t sleep for 2 nights as I was wrestling imaginary strands of silk.

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

LILY PADS LEAD US TO THE SERENITY OF EAST SIDE TOXINS

PHOTO OF ACTUAL EAST SIDEIAN

SCARIEST HOLE, EVER.

PRETTY

JUNGLE ON THE NORTH END

BEAST IN THE JUNGLE

ONLY IN THESE HERE TOLEDO

WAIT... WUT??

SINGING SKY LIONS

LAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ANIMATION CLASS
Is killing me. I had never so much as OPENED Flash let alone animate anything with it. It is an amazing program but I would prefer other populations work with it. I did manage my very own animation. Please make yourselves comfortable and enjoy the movie.

I smell an ANNIE!!! (That's an international award for animation for all of you civilians)

STUDIO 566
LOOK AT THESE PENCILS! LOOK AT THEM DAMMIT! Stay tuned as I will soon be receiving DERWENT'S GRAPHITINT PENCILS. I am very excited about this. I saw some work utilizing these pencils and it was EXACTLY what I had imagined for my fly woman. 

BUY THEM HERE

ARMIN MERSMANN
Check out this art. LOOK AT IT DAMMIT! This man's gallery is where I discovered the tinted graphite work. He is amazing. I am planning on studying his graphite work intensely. 

http://nimra.deviantart.com/

 Mersmann's Graphite




Tinted Graphite



This work is truly inspiring...




MY WORK

THE FRAILEST LEAVES OF ME

HERE the frailest leaves of me, and yet my strongest-lasting:
Here I shade and hide my thoughts—I myself do not expose them,
And yet they expose me more than all my other poems.
Walt Whitman -- Leaves of Grass.  1900.

THE END

MURDER AND MAYHEM or IT’S 4 AM AND MY KITCHEN IS CLEAN – WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF THE DESIGNER ILLUSTRATOR

Therapy - I Need It

I have been hard at work on a TOP SECRET MAJOR PROJECT REQUIRING SECURITY CLEARANCE. I would tell you what it is, but then I would have to kill you. Not that I have anything against killing you, but I am extraordinarily tired.  I mean, I’d have to figure out methodology, going to the store, body disposal… and all that would require me to get off the couch and stop watching THE SQUIDBILLIES. *Of course, you could always kill yourself…

She is very popular at West Park Place Home for the Aging

So far, I have only gotten 5 emails for 5 corrections/missing files/miscalculated numbers/general malaise, etc. You know, just enough glitches to make me wonder what the hell I have been doing with my career for the last 10+ years. 

There were a few (read: a few too many) folks who had a say (read: too many says) in said illustrations/designs/copy writing/general malaise, and we all know what happens when everyone wants to be in charge.  My job description was being responsible for layout and illustration. I also ended up re-drawing a jabillion logos, designing/drawing/doing copy for almost 28 cards as well as keeping up the atmosphere of general malaise.  

IN KEEPING UP THE GENERAL MALAISE or 

A MUST-SEE FOR EVERY GRAPHIC DESIGNER:

I thank all Creative Directors who appreciate their artists. You know, the ones who put up with the F WORD used as EVERY FIGURE of speech as EVERY OTHER WORD IN A SENTENCE and still defend and pay their artists decent wages.

I have been working around the clock on this thing, which has made me *homicidal (See paragraph 1).  You have NO IDEA how many games of BEJEWELED BLITZ that have gone unplayed. You have no idea what that does to me. I gain solace only from “ESCAPE FROM ILLUSTRATOR ISLAND.”

As seen on: http://escapefromillustrationisland.com

O - How I have missed you!

NOTHING NEW
Due to the above mentioned project and school, I have created absolutely NOTHING new. That is all.

SOMETHING OLD
I present, therefore, a few old things I have created:

Graphite

This is one of my favorite pieces. I regret having let it go. I just... wasn't ready, I guess. No wonder I am poor.

Who knows what was going on when I illustrated this one. Although, you have to admit that the hat actually looks like part of the male anatomy. Freud is pleased.

I AM COMFORTABLY PLEASED

HOT PLATE + MATTRESS = MAYHEM

http://abclocal.go.com/wtvg/story?section=news/local&id=8163033

Officials say a man was cooking on a hot plate and somehow caught a mattress on fire. He and his son escaped without any injuries.

Somehow caught a mattress on fire? Really?

The word that makes me laugh is “somehow.” The only logical explanation is that he must have torn the tag off of the mattress. Let that be a hard-learned lesson to us all. 

Where's the 40?

THIS WEEK’S “I WANT THIS”

http://www.etailgifts.com/ghettopoly.htm

Enlarge and Read - DO IT - You know you want to...

GARY
An utterly fantastic artist. I had the honor of working with him in the Pit of Hell. I also have an abstract portrait he did of Yours Truly, framed and in STUDIO 566. He made me laugh… a LOT. He also greatly appreciated my rendition of RUBBER BAND MAN which played on the radio every night on Hell’s Pop Rock Station: FM 666.

Take a look at his art - it is WELL WORTH YOUR TIME:

http://www.coroflot.com/gwitten

ODD FACTS ABOUT GARY: Whenever we would talk about a well-known celebrity, they would die within 2 weeks time. It only worked with well-known celebrities as we tried this black magic with conversations about our supervisor.We considered it the "control" of an "experiment."

MINION’S QUOTES ABOUT MY BLOG
“What a great site! It was hilarious, just as good or better than working with you on Fred Xxxxx's 3rd shift in Hell.”

NOTE: Fred Xxxxx (AKA: THE CONTOL) did not die.

PORTFOLIO SITE
Not only did I get a good schmooze quote, I also have a site to look at for an online portfolio. It is FREE and uploads are UNLIMITED.

http://www.coroflot.com

THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT
I am now convinced that the neighbors are aliens:

A raccoon visits on a regular basis. I heart him.

Rocky's mask peering in at me

I told you I hearted him

There is a hornet’s nest on the light above the patio. We do not bother each other. In fact, I have grown accustomed to hearing their deafening BUZZ around the bush where the bunnies hide.

Not ONE OF THEM is green...

Chip the Monk has also returned on a daily basis. I have not been able to snap a picture of him – he is WAY too quick. So instead, I GOOGLED this image:

Vroom!

I must confess, I feed the raccoon, ducks, chipmunk, stray cat and these feral human animals that claim to be related and live in my house (would it kill you to clean up once in a while??).  I also take good care of the bunnies.  

Chillaxin' in the litter box

I AM LADY OF THE WILD THINGS!  

(image not mine - but I wish it were)

I really look like this.

 THE SWISS ARE DEMENTED

BUT NOT AS DEMENTED AS THE JAPANESE

In conclusion, I present to you the silhouetted sentinels of STUDIO 566 - The lions that protect my Creative Spirit:

WEEKLY MEANDERINGS

CHILDHOOD
I had a rather eventful week this week. Well, it was eventful in my mind, anyway. I decided to try my hand at telling tales; not TRUE tales, mind you, but tales based on some truth. Here is CHAPTER ONE:

READ ME!

SEIFERT'S FARM MARKET was at the corner of HOWE ROAD and MOGADORE ROAD in my childhood. In the summer, everyone and their mother picked cabbage there... and it stank. Between the cabbage and humidity, there was a wafting of sheep manure. Sheep smells very differently than horse or cow. I still dream about the places of my childhood... manure memories.

NO CLASS
I finished my one class this week. I really was not a fan of the final project (A game geared towards tween girls). I drew a lot of girly things and felt girly shame. It isn't my "normal" fare. Here are my contributions (I was "illustrator," can you tell?)

I'm not completely thrilled with any of it. BUT, alas. I drew the girls for the front of the box, designed the box, did the box layout, designed the money, drew the dice, let's just say I illustrated all of the above. I thoroughly enjoyed doing it too. That helps; love what you do.

CHEDDAR BUNNIES
Honorable  #1 daughter gifted me with these from ANNIE'S NATURALS:

Honorable son nommed every one save for 5. I ate FIVE out of this entire box of bunnies. They are far better than cheddar fish crackers. I don't like cheddar crackers even -- honorable #1 daughter assured me "they" were out of the Bunny Grahams.
"They" being WALMARTS (That's how you say it in the Midwest). You can also purchase here:  http://annies.com

  

ODDITITTIES

Yes, typo but it stays. Do you love Shakespear? Do you love The Big Lebowski? Then you will love:

 

Yes, you read correctly,
TWO GENTLEMEN OF LEBOWSKI. It's a "tragical romance." The first 3 scenes are FREE! FREE! FREE! And of course I haven't read them. But you can! (The publication is NOT related to anything Coen Brothers, Universal Pictures, Big Lebowski enterprises or my next door neighbor). 

http://www.runleiarun.com/lebowski  

ESCAPE FROM HAMSTERDAM

The KIA website has this game where you launch your hamster and he bounces down the road. I can't bounce my rodent very far. In fact, I slammed into the side of my tank once. This reminded me that we had 2 gerbils. One became pregnant and had a litter. We separated her from him and they each had their own tank, just like in this game. She jumped out of the tank, just like in this game, right into his tank. We had another litter. He jumped out once and everything that was as tall as him ended up chewed on. One day, I heard a scratching in the kitchen. He was in the bottom drawer of the stove, where I keep pots and pans. I imagine he was considered a GOD when I put him back in his tank, put a screen with a book on top of it. He has seen "OUT THERE." Anyway, I can't bounce my rodent very far in this game...

http://www.kiasoul.com/#/game

TEACHER'S PET

I was asked by an art teacher to use one of my bunnies for an exercise. The exercise is ATTACK or DEFEND. The subject is this guy --------------->

If I get any results from that assignment, I will post. Otherwise, what would you do? What would Jesus do? If the bun's eyes glow, I would probably pee my pants.

KIDS

Saw this and though it was the cutest thing... White Bread Baby!

Saw this and was... uh.... um.... "NO." White Trash Baby!

She is overjoyed to have a future on a pole. That looks like a double wide. I can say these things, I'm white trash. I do not know why this picture bothers me. I loved the Cracker Jack tatts. I have tatts. It's the TRAMP STAMP aspect of it, I think.

See her at WALMARTS.

OBEY

One of my favorite artists is Shepard Fairey. He is best known for his Obama HOPE poster. The AP also sued him for his Obama HOPE poster. Actually, AP threatened to sue so he sued FIRST then they countered. This is from the man who sues Baxter Orr for parodying HIS (Fairy's) work and calls him a "parasite" for doing it. The from-a-well-to-do-family-and-RISD-grad has come a long way -- full circle. Shepard Fairy, you had me at "OBEY."