Friday, January 28, 2011


Welcome to the breakdown of my week. Not to be confused with the mental breakdown I experience almost daily...

It was a most adventurous day. I had my bajillion color pencils in their black box inside of my book-bag. I wrestled with the book-bag full of art supplies, keys with 5 key rings (so I won’t lose them, yet I still do), my sleek black laptop and my cup of coffee. The doors of my chariot were frozen shut. I put the coffee… OH CRAP. The coffee WAS on the roof of the car. I went to pull the door open and my box of pencils fell into the snow. The said box opened and it looked like a rainbow in my parking lot.  I was traumatized.  Now, I want this - well, a new coffee mug and this:

I can almost smell Ricardo Montalban (a dated reference to rich Corinthian leather).  Ricardo Montalban? "Welcome -- to Fantasy Island!" No? STAR TREK II: WRATH OF KAHN, "Full impulse power!" I couldn't stop staring at his chest. To this day I can't tell you what the plot of that film was. I rely heavily upon Robot Chicken for my knowledge of the classics.

But I digress... I love how Mr. Blick lets us all know that pencils are not included. Which tells me that someone actually ordered this thing expecting 172 sharpened pencils, organized by color to be included. Which REALLY makes me wonder about this:

*not actual size
Whom, exactly, is the target audience that one would have to put this disclaimer on an 8 foot banner showing a 6 foot long hot dog (with an impressive circumference) -- with an asterisk, no less!?  

What faith I had left in humanity has been crushed. 

Anyone have 50¢? I want a piece of this action...

Back of The Bunny Stop® Deck of Cards.
If you look at the center, there are two stylized rabbit heads. I have a tendency to think myself "genius" when I do such things. It's a wonderful world inside of my head!

I have to sit on this for a bit and revisit it. I am not sure if it fits the ambiance of deck or not. I have completed all of the face cards and will post them shortly.

Let us move on...

My parents both passed within 2 years of one another. Both were cremated. Both are sitting on a bureau in my living room. Really – I can’t make this up. Each year I threaten to put Santa hats on their polished oaken boxes for a Holiday card. People say that I am morbid. I say, "comedic genius." Then, I see this:
Click image for full article
Graphite pencils made out of the cremated remains of the deceased.  ::blink blink::  I glance over at the bureau in my living room and it hits me -- I would get a lifetime of pencils out of those two! 

I have looked at this 100 times and I still cannot, for the life of me, fathom people making pencils from the remains of their loved ones. I can almost hear my father's voice from the great abyss: "^&$% ^%#$@! I'm STILL supporting you!! I told you to get a TEACHING DEGREE!" 

I found a photo of the artist… Pensive looking gal, no? And so young to be so cynical (har!).

I know there is a joke about medication in all of this.  But I digress…
When I go to the great rabbit hutch in the sky (at least I am hoping for the escalator up)...

Come to think of it, I probably qualify for a one way ticket window seat to the flaming pits of the other place. I bet Satan would use these pencils. It seems like he would... if he writes correspondence or keeps a sketch book, I mean. He would be practicing 3 point perspective with Adolf Hitler #2.

Anyway, in the end, please gather all the high resolution files of my illustrations and send me out in one of these puppies:

Click image for full article
What the Hell, put me in it, launch it into the Maumee River and light a match. It will be a Viking Funeral – Toledo Style. You won’t have to douse me in any accelerant, the river in and of itself is full of enough Sun Oil chemical compounds to take care of that. You could see me flaming down the river from Studio 566’s building! Get one of those 50¢ HOT DOGS and RALLY BY THE RIVER! Ah~ Good times.

If no one has the heart to grant this last request, then stick me in the ground and give me a phallic tombstone wrapped in red yarn.  It sort of reminds me of my high school sweetie’s class ring. I wrapped it in red yarn to fit on my finger. Alas, the relationship was doomed. The ring was returned (13 years later, but that’s a whole different post).

Put some squiggly eyes on it too.

The Guardian -- I can't explain it. She is guarding a heart. Or tormenting a heart. Maybe she needs a new pencil. My sketchbook is a frightening place even to me at times. You don't EVER want to end up a subject of THE SKETCHBOOK.

Honorable Daughter #1 has a tendency to send me some of the most disturbing things found on the internets. The following link is not one of them. In fact, the following link made me chuckle. It also made me glad that I actually studied in my Art History courses. I could look at this French website and guffaw with my set square jaw:
I feel cultured now.

Get a cup of coffee for this one. Maybe two cups. Add a Vicodin. 
I will never get those 30 minutes of my life back again. Why? Why do any of us need to see a life-sized blue whale on our computer screen? And who would sit and watch this in its entirety? Ok, I did. But I think that had more to do with the coffee and Vicodin. Oh man, I bet this would be AWESOME on my large HD screen plasma TV!
I will never get those 30 minutes of my life back again.

The link was sent to me by one of my most passionate minions. She could be the Minion Queen. These are actually the brand of color pencils I want. Although, I want the carrier case before the new pencils. I wonder if the leather carrying case comes with a bite guard and helmet.
DICK BLICK, for me, is like pr0n! Although, you have to admit, with a name like that...

Caution: The download window immediately pops up. It’s like a jack-in-the-box. I had one of those. It had one of the scariest freakin clowns I have ever seen laying in wait. When I cranked the handle of the brightly painted circus box, “POP GOES THE WEASEL” in a music box sort of tone filled my ears. I would be cranking away and then next thing I know WHAM! Ten years of therapy.

This actually explains... a LOT.

Here is that bunny font.
Click this text for font


I seriously cannot stop looking at this! Those tiny little feet... that FACE! I LOVE THAT FACE!
LOOK AT IT! LOOOOOK AT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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